To all my dear Readers.... i know you would have guessed by now what the surprise is........ Remember the time i thought i had a flu.... well it turns out that i am pregnant........ wow.... there i said it, three words that i thought i would never utter in my life....
This post is an emotional one and so very close to my heart, you know when you're a child, you love playing catch, hide and seek, lock and key, etc, etc... well i loved babies, not that i don't love them now but by the time i was six i was an expert in taking care of them. i remember going to church and mothers would flock to me to take care of their children for a while so that they can listen to the preacher and i gladly did it. My dad would get angry and ask me whether i was a nanny... :) i remember i was fourteen when i first bathed a new born and plenty more followed. Yet somehow in my heart i knew that i would not have children, i dont know why but i always had that thought that i would often tell my mom and she would ask me not to worry about it.
I even have letters i wrote to my then boyfriend-now husband explaining that somehow i wont have children and he assured me that my fears were unfounded and that even if it came true, he was perfectly all right with it. We can always adopt he would say smiling at me. I hate Indian society because of one thing, the minute you're done with you're tenth board exams the question starts pouring in.... "What group are you going to take? What course are you applying for? What college? Did you get a job yet? When is you're wedding? The day you're married for 30 days then: Is there something special? When are you going to give us a special news? oh man... i was tired of it all.
I turned 21 five days after i got married and my hubby had just turned 25 and so we planned that we would not have any children at least for a year. The warning bells started to go off when we did not use any protection at all and yet i failed to conceive for that year. We went for a check up, everything was absolutely fine with us the doc asked us to take it easy. Yet in my mind i already knew i would never become a mother, if you love something so desperately, it often comes late in life or sometimes never at all.
My in laws were a huge support to me... they were staunch Hindus and yet not once they questioned me or even spoke to us about the issue. My parents told me that it is not the end of the world if you dont have children. And as for me, my dad taught me in a very early age that God answers prayers in three ways: Yes, Wait and No, so i was completely normal with it.
It was only the others that seemed to have a problem with it, they filled my brain with hundred different ideas and i didnt care and neither did my husband. Yes it hurt when my cousins and my sister who got married after me had children first but only for like 5 or ten mins and then i was genuinely happy for them.
The only thing that irritated me was when couples who had been trying hard to conceive would give me advice the minute they became pregnant. At first it was the questions then as the years went by it turned into pity which i hated even more.
When i returned from Africa, i conceived the very next month but i miscarried the baby during my 7th week. And now i'm pregnant again.... i went for the first scan last monday and everything is normal and everyone around me is elated. And my husband asked our pastor to pray who himself had a child after 4 years and he prayed that we were no longer ashamed, that we can now attend any functions with out hiding, etc, etc. And he also told me that it became some sort of competition between him and his brother who had just gotten married as to whose wife will give birth first.
As i walked outside the church, i held my hubby's hand and said, thank God we were not like that. Some of my symptoms are:
This post is an emotional one and so very close to my heart, you know when you're a child, you love playing catch, hide and seek, lock and key, etc, etc... well i loved babies, not that i don't love them now but by the time i was six i was an expert in taking care of them. i remember going to church and mothers would flock to me to take care of their children for a while so that they can listen to the preacher and i gladly did it. My dad would get angry and ask me whether i was a nanny... :) i remember i was fourteen when i first bathed a new born and plenty more followed. Yet somehow in my heart i knew that i would not have children, i dont know why but i always had that thought that i would often tell my mom and she would ask me not to worry about it.
I even have letters i wrote to my then boyfriend-now husband explaining that somehow i wont have children and he assured me that my fears were unfounded and that even if it came true, he was perfectly all right with it. We can always adopt he would say smiling at me. I hate Indian society because of one thing, the minute you're done with you're tenth board exams the question starts pouring in.... "What group are you going to take? What course are you applying for? What college? Did you get a job yet? When is you're wedding? The day you're married for 30 days then: Is there something special? When are you going to give us a special news? oh man... i was tired of it all.
I turned 21 five days after i got married and my hubby had just turned 25 and so we planned that we would not have any children at least for a year. The warning bells started to go off when we did not use any protection at all and yet i failed to conceive for that year. We went for a check up, everything was absolutely fine with us the doc asked us to take it easy. Yet in my mind i already knew i would never become a mother, if you love something so desperately, it often comes late in life or sometimes never at all.
My in laws were a huge support to me... they were staunch Hindus and yet not once they questioned me or even spoke to us about the issue. My parents told me that it is not the end of the world if you dont have children. And as for me, my dad taught me in a very early age that God answers prayers in three ways: Yes, Wait and No, so i was completely normal with it.
It was only the others that seemed to have a problem with it, they filled my brain with hundred different ideas and i didnt care and neither did my husband. Yes it hurt when my cousins and my sister who got married after me had children first but only for like 5 or ten mins and then i was genuinely happy for them.
The only thing that irritated me was when couples who had been trying hard to conceive would give me advice the minute they became pregnant. At first it was the questions then as the years went by it turned into pity which i hated even more.
When i returned from Africa, i conceived the very next month but i miscarried the baby during my 7th week. And now i'm pregnant again.... i went for the first scan last monday and everything is normal and everyone around me is elated. And my husband asked our pastor to pray who himself had a child after 4 years and he prayed that we were no longer ashamed, that we can now attend any functions with out hiding, etc, etc. And he also told me that it became some sort of competition between him and his brother who had just gotten married as to whose wife will give birth first.
As i walked outside the church, i held my hubby's hand and said, thank God we were not like that. Some of my symptoms are:
- Nausea and vomiting esp at night
- Fainting spells during which i'm conscious but i blabber and talk things that are totally senseless like the other day i told my husband that the car driven by Ramya Krishnan in the movie Padaiyappa was actually the director's.
- Crying at the simplest of things. I was reading Archie's and i cried at something sweet that Jughead did for Betty
- I didn't know if it was possible but i love my hubby even more now. :)
- Back pains
- Getting irritated soon which is very unlike me,
- Not interested in makeup, clothes, etc which is also unlike me.
The one who is the most happiest is my niece Candy who understands that there's going to be a baby in the house very soon and tells at the unexpected time that a tiny baby is soon coming home.
For all the couples out there who were in the same situation I was, Take it easy. There will always be an answer.
The baby is due in Oct. Im so excited and nervous.
T.C
Lovlyn.V
P.S: Here is a picture of my niece taken before going to church, Our Pink Princess.... Shiloh Kimberly aka Candy.
For all the couples out there who were in the same situation I was, Take it easy. There will always be an answer.
The baby is due in Oct. Im so excited and nervous.
T.C
Lovlyn.V
P.S: Here is a picture of my niece taken before going to church, Our Pink Princess.... Shiloh Kimberly aka Candy.
